30 March 2015. The day my world changed. The day I would never be able to fulfill my dream to be a Mum or to give my husband the chance to be a Dad. I wrote this the day after the surgery. High on painkillers and suffering sudden-onset menopause but the words ring true even years on. It's also never been shared.
My heart has never felt such sadness and won't ever disappear,
Proof to me my feelings are real even though you were never here.
To think of you as a beautiful dream is a comfort in a way,
Losing something I never had... that pain is here to stay.
What I will always hold near and dear are the moments which seem so real,
Would you be more like Daddy or I, would you inherit my love for teal?
The moments and the jokes, the times we were meant to share,
How can they feel so real when you were never ever there?
I hope in time my heart will heal for life must carry on,
But right at this moment I hate the world for everything it's done.
Nothing in stature, so big in my heart, I hope you truly know,
How much a dream can be a hero and I'll struggle to let go.
My world lost a light it never had and will be a little darker,
Heaven please look after my dream and help me find find my happily ever after.