Last Tuesday, I felt like a failure after being interviewed by an amazing lady, and friend, and believed I had totally f@#$%^ up and let her down. I became completely derailed. I didn’t want to go out. There was nothing I could think or do that would make me feel any better. I wanted to pack the whole thing in. The Cool To Be Kind Project and life in general.
The thing with bad days is they stop you from being rational and I started creating negative thoughts in my head about what I had said, how I would be perceived, how I looked, did I convey any message not covered in nerves? I decided everyone would say I was an idiot.
That my idea to create kindness was not only crazy but I was crazy myself. I had failed.
My to-do list was growing. Emails were left unanswered. Phone calls went to voicemail. I didn’t move.
Until I was reminded that two things are always going to be true. Things are going to get better and things are going to get worse.
It's a simple recognition that, for most of your life things are in a state of change and sometimes the only option is to ride it out.
A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family shows that happy couples think about their partner for one minute every half an hour. If that is the case, how many people would be thinking I was an idiot, I had failed or about how I looked? My rational brain began to kick back in.
I took a moment and read my to-do list. I highlighted what had to be done; make my best friend’s daughters birthday cake, make invitations for two different family events, Sunday Funday preparations. When I looked at this list, I saw that they all involved showing someone I care. I wanted to make a 6-year-old girl smile at her cake. I wanted the invitations to speak volumes. I wanted to celebrate a belated 30th birthday for a wonderful lady whose life of late has been so much worse than my one bad day. My focus shifted and I realised what was important.
The week I believed to be a trainwreck turned into a weekend where I was the one who made people smile.
An indescribable feeling of joy when my food was tasted, when a six-year-old saw her “girly space cake” and I sealed the envelope on the first set of invitations. I laughed with friends, cheated at board games, slept until 4am (for me this is a big win), reconnected with my husband and allowed myself to catch up on some reality TV.
Most importantly I was proud to see The Cool To Be Kind Project featured in the local newspaper, realising that I am in fact making a difference and people do care.
What did I learn about life this week? It goes on.